I like this thorough article of controversial parenting techniques. My take on this would be to gain some understanding of each technique and take what works for you from each. If you stick to “rigidly” to just one style then you’re discounting your particular needs, your babies needs and your family dynamics. As with anything, flexibility is key. Read on..
by Elena Donovan Mauer
Swaddling
The controversy: You know the age-old art of wrapping
baby in a receiving blanket like a burrito? Well, some think it could be
hazardous for baby. Critics say swaddling could cause problems including hip
dysplasia, overheating and inability to wake when necessary.
What’s not so bad: Some new parents say swaddling helps
baby sleep longer — she may be less likely to startle herself awake when her
arms can’t flail. And the International Hip Dysplasia Institute says the
practice is okay as long as you’re doing it correctly — don't wrap your little burrito’s legs too tightly.
“With my first daughter, swaddling made a huge difference,” says Kim E.* “She’d
sleep for three hours at a time while swaddled and no more than 30 minutes at a
time without the swaddle."
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Ferber
Method
The controversy: Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems author Richard Ferber, MD, is probably
best known for advising parents to let baby “ cry
it out” to help him sleep through the night. Critics say leaving baby alone to
cry without comforting him is cruel and could be emotionally scarring.
What’s not so bad: Ferber actually endorses “controlled
crying” — allowing the child to cry for short periods of time, but not until he
falls asleep or all night long. The idea is that babies naturally wake
periodically at night. If you want yours to “sleep through the night,” Ferber
says he’ll need to learn to fall back asleep without being rocked, fed or sang
to, and he can’t learn to do that without practice. While the method isn’t for
everyone, many swear it works.
“I feel so
rested after 11 months of exhaustion thanks to Ferber,” says Leah R.
Free-Range
Parenting
The controversy: Free Range Kids author Lenore Skenazy came under fire
after writing that she let her nine-year-old ride the subway by himself. How
could she put him in harm’s way like that? Some publications even dubbed her
“America’s Worst Mom.”
What’s not so bad: Skenazy breaks down the facts: Child
abduction is devastating but extremely rare. Worrywart parents might want to
look to her book’s stats to help them realize that hovering over their kids
doesn’t prevent bad things from happening, and most of the things they worry
about aren’t worth stressing over. Giving kids choices and independence helps
them learn to be responsible, says Skenazy.
“I read the book last summer
and loved it. So did my husband. I definitely identify with the concept of
free-range," says Jen F.
RIE
(Resources for Infant Educarers)
The controversy: Made famous by some A-list parents who
follow its teachings (Tobey Maguire, Penelope Cruz and Felicity Huffman
supposedly), RIE’s more challenged teachings include no tummy time, no fancy
toys and not pushing your child in a stroller before he can sit up on his own.
Sounds stuffy and cold!
What’s not so bad: The basic principle is to let your child
learn and discover things at his own pace, so not forcing him into tummy time
or into sitting upright before he’s ready makes sense to plenty of parents.
Also, letting baby play with pots and pans and a spoon instead of an
overpriced, noisy toy with flashing lights isn’t just easy on your wallet, it’s
creative too.
“The point
of RIE seems to be respecting your infant as
a person,” says Marcie P. “Another major point is allowing your child free
exploration while you have ‘you’ time, and then focusing your love and
nurturing during feeding and changing.”
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Babywise
The controversy: In their book On
Becoming Babywise,
Gary Ezzo and Robert Buckham, MD, offer advice to get baby sleeping through the
night starting around seven to nine weeks old. That sounds great to all the
sleep-deprived moms and dads out there, but there’s one big problem. They
recommend scheduling baby’s feedings for about three hours apart, and that can
be harmful to a small baby. AAP News,
a publication of The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), says the method “has
been associated with failure to thrive, poor milk supply failure, and
involuntary early weaning… the program is inadequately supported by
conventional medical practice.”
What’s not so bad: Sorry parents, but there’s not much to
say here. While the book does get one thing right — getting baby into a daily
routine or pattern is good for everyone’s sanity — we can’t get behind a rigid
schedule dictated by the clock. Baby needs to eat, and restricting his intake
just isn’t right.
“Using Babywise was successful for us in getting my
daughter on a schedule,” says Georgia L. “However, I think you have to take
some of what it says with the grain of salt and let your own instincts take
over. If your child is hungry even though it's only been 45 minutes, don't let
the baby cry!”
Co-sleeping
The controversy: Sleeping with baby in your bed increases her risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS),
so AAP and US Consumer Product Safety Commission strongly advise against doing
it for the first year of her life.
What’s not so bad: One 2013 study found that co-sleeping increased breastfeeding rates, which
is definitely a good thing, but not worth the SIDS risk. Luckily, there are
other ways to “co-sleep” that don’t involve bed sharing. For example, having
baby in a bedside bassinet or crib in your room is considered safe, could make
breastfeeding more convenient and saves you the stress of running back and
forth to the nursery all night long.
“We put baby in the bassinet
in our room until he was sleeping for most of the night,” says Jane Y. “That
was more for our sanity and not having to travel to his room. This worked out
very well for us.”
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Elimination
Communication
The controversy: Elimination Communication (lovingly
called EC by adapters of the practice) is a method used by parents who choose
to go completely diaper-free — yes, from birth. Sometimes, family and friends
aren’t supportive of skipping diapers. Who wants to invite you for a play date
if your little cutie could have a messy accident at any moment? Some doctors
say that the practice could mean pushing
your child to use the potty too early, and that can cause health problems such
as UTIs and constipation.
What’s not so bad: Supporters of EC swear it makes potty training go faster and more easily. And not
throwing disposable diapers in the trash, or having to wash cloth diapers, is
undeniably easy on the environment.
“I started
EC when my son was able to sit up on his own around six months,” says Lana G.
“I would hold him on the toilet seat. He caught on right away. At two, he is
totally potty trained."
“Extended”
breastfeeding
The controversy: Did you see that cover of Time magazine, with the mother breastfeeding
her three-year-old son? Well, lots of people saw it, and some thought the boy
was way too old to be breastfed. Some believe breastfeeding past babyhood could
be detrimental to a child’s sense of independence and say there’s no reason to
keep doing it.
What’s not so bad: The AAP recommends breastfeeding until at least age one, and the World
Health Organization recommends breastfeeding to age two or beyond. Neither recommends a firm age at which
you need to stop. Toddlers still receive nutritional benefits from mom’s milk,
and no study has proven the practice to be psychologically harmful. Every mom
should feel free to choose her and her child’s own right time to stop nursing.
“I breastfed past age two,
and I really think it’s the best thing I ever did!” says Renee S. “I think my
son has a great immune system and we have a fantastic relationship. I never
thought I would go that long, but I did and it didn’t feel strange or
unnatural. In fact, it was quite the opposite.”
AttachmentParenting
The controversy: Attachment Parenting is all about being close to your
child. Controversial practices such as co-sleeping and long-term breastfeeding
are considered part of this parenting style, but some people have more problems
with it than that. Critics say that the practice forces parents to revolve
their lives around their children — and all that hovering could result in
selfish kids.
What’s not so bad: Supporters of AP say it helps children
emotionally bond and develop a sense of trust. It also teaches kindness and
compassion — definitely not bad things for a kid to learn. Plus, who doesn’t
love cuddling with their kids?
“Some articles portray
attachment parenting in such an extremist light, like we're all nursing our
8-year-olds in public and can't leave our kid with a babysitter,” says Gina U.
“If you read into it more, you’ll find out it promotes certain ideals like breastfeeding,
baby wearing and bed sharing, but that doesn't mean you can't pick and choose
what works for your lifestyle.”
"French-Style"
parenting
The controversy: Pamela Druckerman’s book Bringing
Up Bébé has raised
plenty of eyebrows. The author outlines what she learned about parenting while
living in France. Parents there practically ignore their kids at the playground
(dangerous!) and punish bad behavior without rewarding the good (negative!).
What’s not so bad: Sure, we all want to stop our toddler
from climbing too high on the jungle gym before he’s ready and to give him a
sticker or two when he uses the potty. But maybe every once in a while, we
should let him explore things on his own (within reason, of course) and
entertain himself instead of you always getting involved. After all, how else
is he going to develop independence and talents? And how else are we supposed
to get anything done?
“The part of the book
that hit home for me was the one that said you can have a life having kids,”
says Maggie G. “It seems that so many women become martyrs for their kids and
give up everything, and this book was really good about showing you how to
still go to dinner and enjoy hobbies at home with calm, well-mannered kids.”
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